You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
