Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
