Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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