shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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