Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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