im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
soo... how was my night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
