he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
