As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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