so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize