it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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