okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
