We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
