SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
dude. I can hear the air.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
