I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
