did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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