And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
