my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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