I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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