South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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