its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
