We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
