Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
