The maid of honor just puked.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My hand turned me down
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
