Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
