my vag is so smooth its legendary
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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