i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
