I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
