I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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