Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize