I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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