Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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