You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize