the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
