she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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