mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
