why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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