So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
