After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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