I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
