9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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