You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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