I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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