you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
