I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
