I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
