I haven't been this sober since birth.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
