So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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