I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
