Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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