I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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