there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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