dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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