I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
