haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
