i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Help. Why am I so naked?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
