$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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