He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
