How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
