All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
