All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
