bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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