I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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