She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
