Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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