keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Two words: blizzard sex
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
