in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
