her vagine was all disorganized.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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