I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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