Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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