Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
