When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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