its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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