Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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